Busking Anxiety

In a little over two weeks I plan to get my busking license so I can perform in downtown Little Rock.  There's only one other street performer down there, that I know of.  He does an impersonation of Michael Jackson.  So, I have my pick of spots.  I plan to busk outside the River Market.

Here's the problem...

1. I have Agoraphobia.  In my case, it's being in a crowd that really sets it off.  I have trouble shopping sometimes because of it.  I constantly fight the fear, reminding myself that it's not logical.  I plan to take an anti-anxiety med that I'm on to help with this.

2. I haven't performed since High School, and at that time I was a part of the school's orchestra.  I've never performed where it was just me.

3. I am a perfectionist and I'm worried that I'm going to trip over my fingers and play horribly.  I sound good at home, but in front of strangers, I don't know how I'll sound.

4. While I haven't felt stage fright before, I worry that I'm going to choke and not be able to play at all.  It's a useless worry, I know, because I just might surprise myself.


So, there are a few things that I'm thinking.  One, I play best when I ignore my surroundings and don't think about playing or performing.  I just focus on the music.  That's when I play best...when it's just the music and me.  I'm not sure how I'll do that with an audience within a few feet of me, but I'm going to try.

If I don't do this, I'll regret it.  I'll always wonder what could have been.  I know this because it's something I've felt in regards to other things I've chickened out on.  I'm the type of person to obsess over the little things.  I'm working on that.

If I were to listen to my friends and my partner, and keep their encouragement at the back of my mind, that might help.  They say that I'm talented enough and that they feel I'll do great. Why can't I get that worry to disappear? 

I'm sure I'll do OK.  I just need to get over myself. lol