Believe in yourself

Last night my fiance told me that she loves listening to me play.  Her encouragement since I started the violin again has been amazing.  Recently, she also pointed out some things that I hadn't thought about.

In high school I quit orchestra my senior year.  My teacher was always trying to get me to practice pieces to play for competitions.  I always refused to do it.  I didn't think I was good enough.  I assumed she just wanted more students competing.  So, I quit.  I refused to play at all.  I hated her for years because of it.  I thought that I was an average to below average musician.  I felt like I was being set up for failure.  Plus, I never saw any point after high school where I would play professionally.  So, why bother trying...right?

Tiff pointed out that my teacher probably saw something in me.  She probably thought that I was a good musician and that I would be able to do well in those competitions.  That's something that I never considered in the past 2 decades.  I love to play, but always thought I was bad at it.

Now, I'm finding out that I have talent and am working towards playing professionally.  Tiff bought me lessons so I can do even better.  She believes in me and so does my new violin teacher.  They're both excited for me to busk and perhaps eventually play in an orchestra again.  If I sucked, neither of them would react to my playing the way they do.

All these years I doubted myself.  I refused to play when people could hear me because, although I enjoyed it, I thought I was horrible.  What could have been had I just believed in myself?  Where would I be now?  All this time I could've been playing in orchestras in every state I've lived in.  I could've been doing something that I love as a profession.

It's always been difficult for me to believe in myself.  Even with my artwork, which I've had in galleries.  I still doubt my talents.  My writing, my art, my music...they all mean the world to me.  I just wish I didn't doubt so much.  I wish I believed in myself more.

Well, I've decided that I'm going to move forward with the belief that I do have talent.  I enjoy playing and if I truly want to be a professional then I need to let go of that doubt that plagues my mind.  I CAN do this!  I know I can.

If only I could talk to my high school orchestra teacher and tell her I'm sorry for yelling at her and treating her horribly for pushing me.  I can't do that, but I can move on.  I can. 

Worried about nada

Today I've played the violin on and off all day.  I took breaks between songs.  I had been worried about nothing.  Even with the changes in notes, I did well.  Not perfectly, but that's what practicing is for.  I'm not a failure, I'm learning.  You can't fail if you continue to learn.  You can only move forward.

I really want to play the violin as a career.  I want to be a professional.  I want to do well.  Practice makes perfect.  I can get the notes right if I just practice.  

I'm sure that by February/March 2021 I'll be ready to street perform.  Eventually I'll feel comfortable enough to try out of the symphony as well.

Professional violinist musings

I've been doing research into playing professionally here in Arkansas.  There are symphonies and quartets I can eventually audition for (none of them are hiring while covid is still rampant).  The pay varies but it's more than enough to help make ends meet.

The only drawback is that I only have an electric violin.  I do have an acoustic but it is old and doesn't have a good sound.  So, I need to find a professional violin.  The ones I am looking at run between $1000 and $2000.  I so don't have that kind of money.  So, I'll have to seriously save up for it.  I figure maybe I can buy one in a year - 2 years.  By then, I should be more than ready to play professionally.

I'm thinking about starting busking with my electric violin in the Spring (2021) so long as covid has died down quite a bit.  If I can do that, then the amount that I make could be put into my pro violin bundle.

I just wish I could get started today.  But, aside from the pandemic, we're also having an extremely hot summer, which means I would melt and pass out while playing.  So, I doubt there will be many tourists on the streets.  That means very little money for a lot of effort. 

So, I'm going to continue practicing so I can have a nice sized repertoire before I begin.

Learning new songs

Today I started playing Star Wars theme and the Imperial March.  I had started learning them in the past, but I hadn't worked on it seriously until today.  They weren't as hard as I thought they would be to learn.  There are some parts I stumble on, but hey it's the first day.

I also played some of my Les Mis songs and for the first time I played them perfectly.

I'm starting to feel more confident while playing.  On Thursday I will be starting music lessons so I can become a better musician.  The first songs we're going to work on are the Star Wars songs I learned today.  I didn't want to wait until the lesson to start working on them.  I also sent her three of the gypsy songs I want to learn but don't know how to hit some of the notes in the sheet music.  Those are going to be a real challenge. 

I can't wait!

Still obsessing and wondering

I can't help it.  I want to busk but the pandemic has me staying at home instead.  A lot of buskers are doing so online, with a patreon or paypal account for making money.  My problem is that I don't  have followers and I don't know how to get people to find me and pay for my videos.  It just doesn't seem viable.

Downtown Little Rock is open, and people are out and about. I figure that if I wear a mask, a good one, and use hand sanitizer when I touch money, then I should be mostly OK.  But, I'm terrified of catching the virus.  Not so much for myself, but for my wife who has diabetes (one of the conditions that makes the virus worse).

We're not in desperate need of money, but I'm tired of our finances being tight and not having anything the last week of the month.  I would like to contribute more.  I would like to perform in front of people, not in front of a camera.

It feels selfish and I keep going over and over in my head on how this might work.  I could probably do well online if I had a larger repertoire.  But, there are only so many songs I know.  Enough for 3 or 4 videos at most.  What do I do after that?  I'm always learning new songs, but not enough to be able to regularly put out new videos.

I might have to wait a year for things to die down.  It seems like the most logical choice.  I can do that, I think.  But, I'm also going to try to learn more songs so I can play them online...maybe in a few months I'll be ready.  I hope.  I really hope.

Covid 19 and Busking

In Arkansas, the number of covid infections and deaths have been very low.  But, if you look at how many are infected on a chart, the numbers are rising still.  This means that I won't be busking just yet.  I want to, I feel ready for it, but I don't want to get sick.  My immune system and lungs aren't the best.  I would most likely get it really bad if I were to catch the virus.

I've made the decision to hold off on busking this year.  Maybe next February, I'll start.  So long as things calm down, that is.  Who knows what the future may hold.

So, while I'm waiting, I'm going to teach myself some Gypsy music.  It's hard to play and very advanced, but with time I'm sure I'll get it.  If not, I always have the songs I know to fall back on.  I'm sure that Gypsy music will have better results than the simpler songs that I've played.  I might not learn a lot of them in one year.  But, whatever I do learn will be awesome.

Here's to hoping!

Colors of the Wind

I'm teaching myself a new song.  Colors of the Wind from the movie Pocahontas. It was my favorite song for so long.  So beautiful.  I'm going to enjoy this.  :D

Learning a new song is always a little scary at first.  But, after a few days it gets easier and easier.

UPDATE:

Colors of the Wind is easier than I thought.  Shouldn't take long to master it.  So, I moved onto the Star Wars Theme.  Harder than Colors, but still fun.  It'll take a little longer to master that one.  After that?  Imperial March.

New songs

I have approx 4 hours worth of songs I would like to play when I busk.  Some buskers suggest that you have about 6 songs that you play over and over.  But, I like variety and I don't want to bore anyone.  I have 9 songs in my repertoire that sound good when I play.  The rest...well I'm still learning them.

Here's the thing...I just counted all of the songs I wanted to play and there are around 35.  I think I'm going to just learn 6 more for busking.  Once I have those 15 down, then maybe learn one more at a time. 

Here's what I know so far:

Love Me Tender
(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay
Beauty and The Beast theme song
Be Our Guest (also from Beauty and The Beast)
My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme from Titanic)
Every Breath You Take
Chim Chim Cher-ee from Mary Poppins
Somewhere Out There from An American Tail
House of the Rising Sun

I also know some songs from Les Miserables (my favorite musical).  I would add those and call it done, but I can't find my Les Mis book (may have to buy a new one).  I also want to add Star Wars theme and the Imperial March (I know, I'm a geek).  I haven't learned those two yet, but I'm confident that I can.

If I add the songs I know from Les Miserables, That'll add about 6 songs. I've played them a lot over the years.  More than I have any other music.  So, maybe that'll help fill in the gap.

I'm having trouble with some of the rock and Disney songs that I've played.  Not the ones listed above, but those that are still new for me.  Two songs from the Lion King just don't sound right to me.  It's like I'm playing harmony and not melody, which means that most people won't know what I'm playing.

IDK...I'm sure I'll figure it out.